Experiential Knowing

1 John 2: 1-6

My little children, I am writing these things to you so that you may not sin.  But if anyone does sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous.  He is the propitiation for our sins, and not for our only but also for the sins of the whole world.  And by this, we know that we have come to know him, if we keep his commandments.  Whoever says “I know him” but does not keep his commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him, but whoever keeps his word, in him truly the love of God is perfected.  By this we may know that we are in him:  whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked. 

I’ve been learning a lot about where the law, or the rules, fit in with the Gospel (main message of Christianity).  In my own words:  God made us good and beautiful.  We actively or passively screwed up and went against God.  This got in the way of our relationship with God.  God sent his son to teach us about him, to live a perfect life, and ultimately to take our mess-ups upon himself.  By dying, and raising again, those mess-ups were gone forever and we were able reconnect with God.  If we put Jesus in control of our lives, God looks on his righteousness and accepts us as holy and blameless.   

There’s a lot of grace in there.  So what about the rules?  Where do the thou shalt nots fit in?  According to this passage, following God’s commandments helps us to know him better.  I think this happens a few ways:

1.       As we try to live out of God’s design we learn about how holy God is.  We realize how hard it is to follow his commands and understand that his perfect image is a long ways from what we typically say and do.

2.      As we apply biblical principles to our lives, we reap the benefits.  God knows this world, he knows our hearts, he knows what is best for us.  When we choose to follow his word we can begin to see that he made those rules because he wanted what’s best for us.  We understand God’s father heart towards us.  He is loving and gracious, yet takes measures to protect us from harm, and disciplines us for our own good sometimes.

3.      Perhaps the one that resonates with me the most:  as we allow God to live through us (by the power of the Holy Spirit) we get to know God better.  When we’re “walking as he walks” we see him in ourselves.  It’s an experiential way of knowing God.  For Spanish speakers a “conocer” instead of a “saber.”  I’ve seen this in my own life.  Being married means walking in the spirit.  That may sound a little abstract and new agey but it simply means this:  when there’s something I should be doing that I don’t feel like doing, I ask the Spirit to take control and to help me to do said right thing, then I try to do it.  Some cool things happen when I do that.  I’ve seen arguments between Philip and I just stop.  One time we were raising our voices at each other one minute, and the next (after I decided to walk in the spirit and asked him a question) he cried in front of me for the first time.  He became completely vulnerable with me (something that’s hard for a gruff and tough man to do).  Another time, Phil really wanted to go on a walk with me.  I was really tired, but again I asked the Spirit for help, and went on the walk with him.  Afterwards, Phil thanked me and told me he felt so stressed before, but after the walk he was completely at peace.  I’ve seen what happens in similar scenarios when I rely on my own strength.  Seeing the difference it makes helps me to understand the healing power of God’s love. 

How do you get to know God more?  Is this idea of “knowing” God in a personal way a new concept to you?  I’d love to share more about that.

Ear Candy

Have you heard of JJ Heller?  I love Christian music.  Feelings are really big to me.  And music helps me feel.  I'll admit though, some Christian songs can be a bit cheesy.  I don't play them in front of people who wouldn't identify as Christian because I don't want them to feel uncomfortable.  I've started getting into Christian artists who have not only inspirational lyrics, but interesting musical qualities too.  I think Christian or not, you might just appreciate a little JJ.  Here are some of my current faves:

P.S. I may add some more wedding photos later.  I just wanted to talk about something else for awhile.  Hope you don't mind.

Mushy-Gushy Photos

It's been a rough...season.  My husband and I have both been struggling with dark emotions and having conflict quite a bit lately.  Nothing to worry about, we're okay and we've been able to talk things out and resolve them every time.  I think we're stronger having processed through a lot of this stuff together.  But that kind of explains my absence lately.  It's one of the reasons I'm so glad to have photos of us.  They remind me of who we are as a couple.  And when we're crying, or arguing I can look back at these mushy-gushy photos and remember that what we have is worth fighting for.  We had a blast shooting these the day of the wedding, largely because Memory Montage was so professional, fun, and comfortable to be around.  You may notice that in most of them we're smiling.  I think this quote I found on Pintrest describes our relationship well.  This is what our love looks like, friends.

Any faves?  Ours is the last one with the sunset over the water.  We hope to have a canvas of this in our home one day.  

Communion

This was hands down one of my favorite parts of my wedding.  We wanted to take communion together as a physical reminder to ourselves, our friends and family, and to God that Jesus is the center of our relationship.  In this moment I felt overwhelmingly, "Jesus, we are only here because of you.  We would've never gotten here without you."  I cried through some of my waterproof makeup.  I asked my dear friend Katie Anthony to sing Beauty of the Cross.  I had first heard this song at CRU, sung by Katie herself.  It has come to mean so much to me.  While I was trying to keep it all together as a student/research assistant at the SESRC/lover of freshmen (not like that, like this)/bible study leader/wedding planner/fiance Katie would sing this to the soothing sounds of her acoustic guitar.  I remember sitting on our dorm room floor worshipping.  The line that stood out to me was, "The beauty of the cross is that your grace has found me just as I am."  The way I sometimes live leaves no room for the cross.  I act like I can earn my way to God.  Like if I do enough good I'll deserve his love.  But the truth is, I sin--miss the mark, can't live up to God's standard.  That's pretty easy when his standard is perfection, and thinking about doing it counts as doing it.  But sin is more than just minor mess-ups.  It's more like a disease.  We spend our whole lives being healed of it, and really don't escape it fully in this life.  Katie has a knack for bringing people into worship.  I knew if she sang people would easily tap into God's presence--even if they didn't know him  They might experience that through feeling peace, an intense desire to do good, bubbling joy.  When planning this wedding, a huge priority of mine was that God would be glorified through it.  I think Katie and The Beauty of the Cross helped with this.

Beauty Of The Cross by Johnny Diaz:

"At the cross I find the beauty of Your matchless grace
At the cross I see a King who died to take my place
It's the moment that You made me clean and pardoned my soul
Amazing grace that I would be allowed unto Your throne
Not by my own will but solely by Your will alone
I'm unworthy of this love you have shown to me
I see my desperate need

The beauty of the cross is that there's One who has redeemed my soul
Beauty of the cross is that I'm finally free and letting go
Beauty of the cross is that Your grace has found me just as I am

Not by my own works that I may boast or I may come
But simply through your Son the sinless and Exalted One
Only through the cross that I'm made clean to draw near to you
Saved so that you would receive all glory due Your name
Everlasting God from age to age you never change
A true love story remains for all eternity
That all the world would see

My sinful soul could only be
Redeemed by the blood of a sinless King
So you came to the world that You had made
Conquered sin on the cross and You rose from the grave

That's the beauty of the cross

At the cross I find the beauty of Your matchless grace
At the cross I see a King who died to take my place
It's the moment that You made me clean and pardoned my soul
Amazing grace that I would be allowed unto Your throne
Not by my own will but solely by Your will alone
I'm unworthy of this love you have shown to me
I see my desperate need

The beauty of the cross is that there's One who has redeemed my soul
Beauty of the cross is that I'm finally free and letting go
Beauty of the cross is that Your grace has found me just as I am

Not by my own works that I may boast or I may come
But simply through your Son the sinless and Exalted One
Only through the cross that I'm made clean to draw near to you
Saved so that you would receive all glory due Your name
Everlasting God from age to age you never change
A true love story remains for all eternity
That all the world would see

My sinful soul could only be
Redeemed by the blood of a sinless King
So you came to the world that You had made
Conquered sin on the cross and You rose from the grave

That's the beauty of the cross"

Details, Details.

Hello there.  By chance, are you here to look at mushy-gushy photos of my husband and I? If that's the case prepare to be disappointed.  Not to worry though, those are coming soon.  Maybe you think my wedding is old news but refer the post below to understand why you're wrong  it took us so long to buy the picture CD.  I've decided to show the details first.  Mostly because I want to see those pictures all together.  Selfish? Sorry but I've felt pretty insecure about the wedding since, especially when I go with my tendency to compare it to others I see on Pintrest or Facebook.  You should know that we were on a major budget--and spent about $5000 total on a wedding for around 200 people.  Also, I decided not to take time off from doing ministry in the dorms/school/working in Pullman (the first 3 months of my engagement) or working at Warden High School/hanging with my family (the 4th month of my engagement), or working as a camp counselor (the 5th month of my engagement) in order to give my wedding the focus it would've needed to have style of that magnitude.  I pretty much did everything myself so it feels like putting myself out there.  We are simple folk.  We had a simple wedding.  Please don't judge.

Something borrowed:  My mom wore these earrings when she married my step dad.

Something blue:  ceremony shoes.

Every princess needs a tiara!

Ceremony shoes.  Comfy ballet flats.

Bouquet made by a friend Abby Bergren.

Bridesmaid dresses ($30 at Forever21) and groomsmen attire. 
We bought them matching ties and gave them a dress code.

Simple centerpieces:  Gerber daisies (my fave) from Costco,
Mason jars from Philip's basement, castle scrapbook paper from Craft Warehouse.

Simple Candy Bar.

"Love is Sweet.  And so are you.  Decorate your bag with sharpees and stickers then fill it with candy for now or later.  Thanks for coming, your presence is a real treat"

Simple window decor.  Engagement photos strung on turquoise yarn w/ pink paper flowers & newspaper lacy trim.

The front of our programs/fans (A is for Arnold). 

Communion table.  My mom replaced red grape juice w/ white just in case I spilled haha.

Tops of pink and white daisies lined each side of the aisle.

Our arch.  I don't know if you can see but it is rusty looking and is wrapped in vines and birds.

My dad wanted to cook for us.  Basically, we had italian bread,
fresh fruit, pulled pork sandwiches, baked beans, corn on the cob etc.

A pennant banner I made using pink paper,
 newspaper, and leftover sparkly paper from our invitations.  Philip <3 Chelsea.

Ok so Philip's aunt made our cake.  My aunt/cousin made our cupcakes and I insisted on my all-time fave Funfetti frosting.  Unfortunately, this took away from the fancy-factor because they couldn't be piped through icing bags b/c of this and had to look like plain ole cupcakes.  Frankly I didn't care.

A picnic basket for cards and a guestbook tree.

Bubbly sendoff.

My little brother is too cool for school.  But I wanted to show you that we strung lights around the bottom of the room.  I wanted top but the venue was really picky about what we could use to hang stuff and we didn't want to damage a place we love so much.  Venue is Ross Point Camp where we learned about relationshi with God, met, started dating etc.

 I know this was mostly for me, but if you see something you like would you take a minute to let me know?  I've really wrestled with insecurity about this and your encouragement might really help.