Being Your Teacher Makes My Heart Bigger

Dear Students,

Thank you for being off-task.  Thank you for blurting out inappropriate comments.  Thank you for cheating on your assignments.  Thank you for complaining about having to play a game.  Thank you for breaking the rules even though you definitely know them by now.  Thank you for pretending you don't like me.  Thank you for throwing the school supplies that I spent my own personal money on.  Thank you for fighting with me about doing your work. Thank you for wandering around the classroom.  Thank you for leaving papers on floor.  Thank you for damaging the books.  Thank you for all of the very childish things that you do, because the truth is that you are increasing my capacity to love.  I made a commitment to love and serve you guys.  Some days, you don't make that easy.  Some Many days my reaction is anger and attempts to control.  You see, my heart is broken.  It doesn't work the way it was supposed to work.  I have to re-learn how to extend grace.  How to control my emotions.  How to love unconditionally.  You might not realize it, but you are helping me to do that.  Thank you for all the opportunities you give me to not love you.  It is choosing to love you in those moments that is changing my heart.  Your manifestation of the broken human condition reminds me that the ugly show you sometimes put on display lives in me, too.  The song and dance of sin and immaturity that you do on the daily  reminds me that we are one in the same. We are both messed up inside.  The good news? God loves us.  He loves every bit of us.  He loves us at our worst and our best.  There is nothing we can do to make him love us more.  There is nothing we can do to make him love us less.  God is teaching me how to love you that way, too.  Being your teacher makes my heart bigger.  For that, I am grateful.

Love,

Your (growing) Teacher

Moments

"Here Miss.  I couldn't find an apple."

There are lots of tough moments in teaching.  Moments where kids disrespect you.  Moments where you feel like you've messed up big time.  Moments when no matter how hard you've tried a student just doesn't get the concept you were teaching.  But then there are the sweet moments.  Moments when a student expresses to you that your activity really helped them to learn something.  Moments when you hear brilliant, thoughtful answers in a discussion.  Moments where you get to just enjoy their unique, still-forming personalities.  One such moment happened on my birthday (about a month ago).  A student--not an easy student--came up to me with a bruised, misshapen orange.  "Here Miss," (what they tend to call me), "I couldn't find an apple."   From anyone else this gift might have left me puzzled at best, but from this student this was huge.  He is a special education student.  He struggles in school.  He is very disorganized, and constantly forgets things.  From this student the gift of an orange in lieu of an apple on my birthday was an extremely thoughtful gesture.  I knew that moments later I'd be trying to coerce him into doing his assignment, and filling out his planner, and trying to help him to remember that there are other responses to bullying besides revenge.  But that one sweet moment let me know that I had built a connection with him.  I can only hope that I am making these little connections with my students.  That they feel my love and care.  That in my classroom they will have bonded with one stable adult.  I have to hold onto these moments through the painful ones and hold onto the belief that somehow amidst the chaotic mess of teaching and learning that I am making a difference.

Pumpkin Spice and Everything Nice

Did you notice that it took Walmart and other businesses one day to switch from Halloween to Christmas?  We still have three weeks until Thanksgiving, people!  My family calls me a Scrooge because I insist that we wait until after Thanksgiving to start the Christmas festivities.  I just don't want to neglect Thanksgiving and fall, and plus I think the holiday season is more special if we keep it within some clear boundaries.  So, I'm trying to save my holly jolly and savor the last bit of the fall season.

One of the most fun things I did this autumn was hosting a pumpkin party!  I love to have people in our home.  I thought it would be fun to have people over to eat fall-y treats and decorate pumpkins.  However I'm super awkward.  It's like the middle school girl who fears rejection rears her acne-ridden head. I'm always afraid to invite people to things, thinking they'll think it's lame, or think I'm lame.  I told my sister Jordan about my idea.  Jordan is the socially adept one of the family. She posted a Facebook event and we got that party started. We decided to make it a sister party and Jordan, my sister Rachel and I all invited friends.  Without my sisters pushing me, I probably would have never been brave enough to host the party.  Now, I'm so glad I did.  Jordan baked a bunch of goodies and I decorated and bought craft supplies for sprucing up our pumpkins.

Decorating supplies included:
chalkboard paint and chalk
gold glitter (the herpes of craft supplies)
modpodge and book paper
gold paint
white paint

Food consumed:
Chex Mix (we made it ourselves we swear)
caramel apples
pumpkin cheesecake cupcakes
chocolate chip cookies
apple cider
pumpkin pie hot chocolate

It was so fun enjoying some fall action with friends!  How are you celebrating the season?  Are you like me and holding the ho-ho-ho, for now?