Sunday, November 21, 2010

Goodbye hunting season! See you again next year.

*Disclaimer* I have nothing against hunting. I actually think it's great that Philip, my boyfriend enjoys it. Granted, I resent the fact that my dad snuck strange elk and deer meat into my diet against my knowledge growing up. I know Phil likes bonding with his dad and uncle, being in the woods, getting away from Pullman for awhile. And when I went with him, I actually enjoyed it for the most part. Hunting is a perfectly good hobby. Here's my issue. I hate that it takes Philip away from me for 6 consecutive weekends each year. I've seen people who make hunting more important than anything else. They neglect their families, and invest excess amounts of time and money into the sport. Phil is definitely not one of those. He proves it by skipping hunting when my birthday, or an equally important event falls on the same day as season. It's just that as busy college students, most of our free time lands on the weekends. We've been good about sneaking dates into Wednesday afternoons and making an effort to be active in each other's lives throughout the week. And his absence has given me the chance to have extra girl time! But I am so ready to have our normal hangout routines back. As of this weekend I am a hunting widow no more! (I wrote this poem while Philip was out shooting things and I missed him.)

You are shooting deer
and my heart
with the body,
into a crunch of leaves.
Sift through wafts of burnt candles
I catch your scent
freshly wetted bark
like a butterfly in my hands.
I peek at it,
it flutters away.
I run through trees
And see only wrinkles in the
blanket of green
that might be you.
Like fireflies,
the first snow of winter

Monday, November 15, 2010

Roomie love

I love Roomies. When I was a little girl, I came to terms with the fact that I was never going to have my own room. I thought, "Now I share with my sister, when I'm in college I'll have roommates, when I get married I'll have a BOY roommate...This is never going to end." Well, I did get my own room in the basement for all of high school, unless you count the spiders as my roomies. My younger self was complaining about a lifetime of roommates, but I have come to be excited about them. It's nice to have someone to share the cleaning responsibilities with, to talk to about your day with, and who doesn't love a good pillow-talk? I have found that roommateship can be a unique relationship that you can't quite cultivate any other way.  I have had 4 long-term roommates. I want to give a little shout out to each. Some of my favorite things about my roomies(past, present, and future):

1. Jordan, my little sis. We wear the same size of clothes. I probably didn't appreciate this as much while we were roommates as I do now that her fashion sense has aged and developed like a good wine (not that I would know). She played with me. We still play together, just not Barbies or Polly Pockets. My sister has become one of my best friends.  We are different but in some ways we're the same.  We both want to be loved, to love God and the people around us and to change the world.  OH yeah and to have lots of fun along the way.

2. Jamie Miley. Haha. I love Jamie's snarky attitude, the way she tells it like it is, and the way she's not afraid to talk about anything. She probably learned more about me than any of my friends my freshman year. Jamie, my boyfriend and I would all hangout like a scene straight out of "3's company." I sometimes called her Dr. Phil because she helped my boyfriend and I through some tough struggles and arguments, by reminding us that we loved eachother and that was the most important thing.  Also, we survived the mouse invasion together.

3. Erin Dienst. Crying on that well-loved patch of carpet late at night, and praying together. Praying that we would be able to understand God's love for us, that He would bring revival to our families, our dorm, our campus, our world. Erin would make a good husband. She made sure we went on lots of roomie dates and hung out outside of the room.  She makes me feel believed in, challenged, and empowered.

4. Katie Anthony. Witty roommate banter. So much laughter.  Extreme intimate details.  Random dancing, especially to Katy Perry's "Teenage Dream." And the way she shares herself with me, but also seeks to know and celebrate who I am. She is the best encourager I've ever met. Loves the girls around her and makes Streit feel like home for me and for the freshman that live on this floor.

(5). Someday I imagine that I will share a room with...dare I say it...a man. That man being my future husband! Here are some perks I see to that. 24/7 spider patrol. I'm hoping I'll never have to kill one of those tiny manifestations of Satan again. A warm body to keep me cozy while I sleep. Man deodorant, it smells so good. (Although between you and me I have already had this privilege with one of my roommates, I'll leave who up to your imagination). He won't take up much closet space, leaving me plenty of room for my mounds of clothes. And then the best part, we will experience a relationship more intimate than any other as we walk through life together--growing closer to God and to each other.

Monday, November 1, 2010

I was a Type 2

There are 2 types of nonbelievers. Ok there are lots of types, just like there are lots of types of people. But in college, and as far as what they use to fill themselves, most of the people I've met who don't follow Christ fall into one of these 2 categories.
Type 1: The Partier. This is the WAZZU stereotype. The person that uses drugs, sex and rock and roll to try to fill the God-shaped vacuum in their heart. People that drink 'til they're numb, bump and grind with strangers on the dance floor, use sex to gain excitement, intimacy, self esteem. This person is the most common type in Streit (the dorm I live in). And while as a freshman I stuck up my nose at these people, now they really break my heart. I nearly cry when I see that girl walking home from a party late Thursday, Friday and Saturday by herself wearing almost nothing. I know what she's thinking! She wants to be loved, noticed, to feel beautiful. And she uses her body to seek a reaction in men on campus. The scary thing is that there's something about her that seems appealing to me. Part of me wants to look like that, to have my body on display. I believe that the desire to be captivating is deeply embedded in a woman's heart. It is a desire that God wants to fulfill. Someday it will be exciting to have my body celebrated by my husband (hope I didn't make you go ew), but I am already so celebrated! For the bible tells me so: "Is that a joyous choir I hear? No it is the Lord Himself exulting over you in happy song" Zephaniah 3:17, "I will praise You for I am remarkably and wonderfully made" Psalm 139:14, "For He chose us in Him, before the foundation of the world, to be holy and blameless in His sight. In love He predestined us to be adopted through Jesus Christ for Himself, according to His favor and will, to the praise of His glorious grace that He favored us with the Beloved." Ephesians 1:3-6

Then there's Type 2: The Achiever. This type uses success: in school, their relationships, extra curricular activities, even "doing the right thing" to fulfill them. The dangerous thing about this type is that they are often overlooked. As a freshman I was puzzled by my non-Christian friends who had good morals and did well in school. They sure didn't look like they needed Jesus. But the truth is that they are searching and striving just as much as Type 1. I can relate the most with this type. When I'm not trusting in Jesus I revert right back to this. In high school I loved to think of myself as the yearbook editor/band vice president/key club president/Soccer Most Inspirational/Wrestling Pioneer and team captain/Teens Against Tobacco Use member/kids soccer coach etc. etc. etc. Then I came to college and this was all stripped away from me. Achievements are such an instable place to put your identity. It's like putting your life savings in a ziplock baggy and floating it out to sea, hoping it will survive. "For what does a man get with all his work and all his efforts that he labors with under the sun? For all his days are filled with grief and his occupation is sorrowful; even at night, his mind does not rest. This too is futile." Ecclesiastes 2:22-23.

Not one of these ways of seeking fulfillment is better than the other.  Both let us down.  And both are sin, bring death.  What then can bring humanity the fulfillment and satisfaction they are constantly searching for? Once at Ross Point Camp Jesus spoke to me about this. He emptied me of all the success I turn to for wholeness. I couldn't pass the swim test (athlete Chelsea) I wasn't the center of attention in my cabin (popular Chelsea) it seemed like I couldn't do anything right (good at stuff Chelsea). Jesus looked me in the eyes and said "You are not worthless You are mine," and for the first time I believed Him. I believe that the only way for us to satisfy the thirsts we're dying of is to take a look at ourselves through Christ's eyes. We must, "comprehend with all the saints what is the length and width, height and depth of God's love, and to know the Messiah's love that surpasses all knowledge, so you may be filled with all the fullness of God." Ephesians 3:17-19

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