Sometimes, bringing Emerson to the youth group that we serve at feels like a huge inconvenience. I often have to leave in the middle of the message or a game to go and nurse him. My arms or back grow weary from toting him around. When I'd rather be chatting with students uninhibited, I often have to multitask: making conversation with them, and caring for his needs simultaneously. Sometimes his already sporadic sleep gets thrown off because youth starts right around his bedtime and there's no way he's dozing off when there are so many people, sights, and sounds to take in.
Last week the Lord showed me that he could use this for good. As small group time was about to come to a close, and my group was finishing up praying, a girl asked me, "Do you pray for Emerson?" To which I said, "Yes." Her stare lingered on me, a begging look in her eyes. "You want me to pray for him right now?" I asked. She nodded enthusiastically. "Ok, sure," I replied. So I began to pray and recited many of the things that I pray over Emerson each night as he settles in his crib.
"Holy Spirit, please fill Emerson up. Give him peace. If there's anything that needs healing in his body please bring him healing. If he's experiencing any pain please ease his pain. Lord, help him to know that he is loved. Help us to love him well, and fill in the gaps where we fall short. I pray that one day he would come to know you personally, and experience your love and presence. In Jesus' name, amen."
It's a simple thing really. By me bringing Emerson to youth group, these young women are exposed to a godly mother--I use that term "godly" loosely because let me tell you I am oh-so aware of how imperfect I am. However, I am open to the Lord. I've stayed in communion with him throughout the ebb and flow of this journey. Jesus is at work in my life. I believe that, through his grace, his goodness reigns in me.
Who knows what situation these girls come from. Some of them probably have darn near perfect moms. Some, might not have moms at all. Others still have mothers who've painted a picture of rejection, harshness, or abandonment where tenderness, unconditional love, and selflessness should have been. These girls get to watch me parent with the gospel in the power of the Holy Spirit. While I am grumbling about being inconvenienced, God is taking my small sacrifice and doing Kingdom work.
