So, remember that one time
at band camp? Phil and I spent the weekend hanging out with a bunch of Middle Schoolers at one of my favorite places. Ross Point Camp was hosting a Youth Retreat and Phil and I served as counselors for the weekend. The theme was, "Made in the Image of God," and it dealt with identity issues. Which, if you've been here for awhile you may know that I have a lot of them. My life story has to do with Jesus teaching me that I am not worthless but that in his eyes I have infinite value. The speaker talked about tools Satan uses to try to steal, kill, and destroy us. One of those tools was big fat lies.
When I got home I began to cry without really understanding why. Crying is kind of like sneezing for me (p.s. I sneeze a lot more than the average human) so I didn't think much of it. But Phil was digging in trying to figure out what was going on with me. He asked me more and more questions trying to get to the heart of the issue. Many of the things that I was saying to Phil were simply not true. I was just spitting out lies about myself to him. He would quickly replace them with biblical truth then move on to another question.
I realized that I was hearing these lies as nagging little thoughts in my head. They sounded so convincing, so appetizing. "Yeah you have friends but you could easily lose them. Jesus doesn't really want to spend time with you, he's just obligated to. You look stupid. You don't even know how to put outfits together. She probably said that/did that because she doesn't like you. None of them like you. They're talking about you, laughing at you behind your back because you really are annoying and awkward. You are such a bad wife. Phil doesn't even love you," and on and on and on. I began to realize that these nagging little thoughts pop into my head almost all day long.
Phil caught on to this and told me that he thought that Satan/the enemy (his followers) were telling me lies. The next thought that I became convinced of was, "Satan wouldn't waste his time with me. I'm not so good or important that he feels like he needs to lie to me. He knows I'm already a lost cause." I was verbalizing these things to Phil because they seemed so true to me.
Finally, Phil started chanting, "I'm stronger than you. I'm louder than you. I'm more persistent than you. And I will crush you." He wasn't talking to me. He was directly addressing Satan. He was fighting for me! I felt like Jesus was talking directly through Philip. And it was awesome! I felt so loved in that moment. It was kind of like some guy had been disrespectfully cat-calling me and my man punched him in the face and knocked him out, only in this scenario my man was Jesus through my husband and the disrespectful dude was straight up the devil. And you know what? Pretty soon, those nagging voices ceased.
Since that moment I have been striving to take every thought captive and present it to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:4-6). I want to surrender my thoughts to him so that slowly even what's going on in my head will be pleasing to God. He can help me to sort out the truth and dismiss the lies so that I don't internalize anything that is not of him. The truth is that there is an enemy that is out to devour us. But there is a hero who will ride in and rescue us. The good news is that this hero--Jesus--is stronger. He is louder. He is more persistent and he will crush Satan beneath our feet (where? underneath yo' feet stomp stomp).
