Thursday, December 29, 2016

I Am a Terrible Person

The other day I got to chat with my wise friend Jocelyn.  Joce has successfully survived the baby stage with three, count 'em, three boys.  During our conversation, she said many things that brought me freedom.  Like, "Stay alive," which coincidentally is the same advice that Haymitch gave Katniss before the Hunger Games.  I suppose the arena is somewhat analogous to life with littles.  Among her sage advice was this:  "You are a terrible person."

"So I'm not a terrible person?" I had asked.

"The good news is you are a terrible person.  But you're swimming in oceans of grace," she answered.

I've always known that I was terrible, in theory.  I mean, I knew that whole saved by grace thing--at least in my head.  I could have told you, "I am a sinner saved by grace."  I knew that Jesus died so that I could be forgiven.  It's just that now I really know.  I'm coming face to face with just how terrible just how big God's grace is.

My house perpetually stinks.  I don't call my friends. I curse at my baby when he won't nap.  I nitpick my husband's every move.  I complain about how unfair it is that I don't get to sleep.  I look longingly at other people's lives.  Instead of living out of my principals, I just do what it takes to survive the day.  Through all of this Jesus doesn't even flinch.  He's just there, loving me like always.  

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--not by works so that no one can boast." Ephesians 2:8-9

Nothing to boast about here.  Just a mustard seed worth of faith, and oceans, and oceans of grace.

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