Thursday, September 29, 2011

I'm Letting Go

I never thought I'd be here. I had a game plan--okay? I always knew I would get married at age 23. That just seemed ideal. Not an old maid, but not too young to know what love is. My mom showed me pictures of her many college boyfriends. I figured I'd have just as active of a dating life.

So here I am, at age 21, married to my high school sweetheart. Philip hates that phrase because he says it implies that you were only sweethearts in high school, but we intend to work towards being sweethearts as old people. He's the only man I've ever kissed. The only man that knows all my secrets. The only man I've ever said "I love you too." The only man I've ever been in a dating relationship with.

What happened? I gave my plans to God. Then, I met someone that changed my life. Someone I felt so comfortable around. A place of complete acceptance. A person who admired me for years before I gave him the time of day. Someone who pursued me like I'd never experienced. Sometimes I think that on our own we are pretty ordinary. But there's something so special about Philip & I together. He's certainly not what I expected. Except for the blue eyes, but that was a requirement. I can't waste my blue eye genes--bring on the beautiful blue eyed babies (NOT YET). Seriously though, he's much more quiet, task-oriented, and methodical than the husband I dreamt up for myself. I created a picture of charisma. Philip is a loyal, genuine, servant. Don't get me wrong, he won the "Most Spontaneous" and "Class Clown" awards in high school and lives up to those daily in this house. He is just not what I planned for myself.

I was going to be a journalist too. It's much more prestigious than high-school teacher status. All I've ever wanted to do is write. But then I found something I love more: helping people, youth in particular. I have a knack for seeing the best in people, and am motivated to help them reach their potential. I believe that God wants to combine my unique set of skills with my nerdy love for language, and use it to impact students' lives.

It makes me think critically about the plans I have now. I want to do "Teach for America" in New York for two years, have 2.5 babies five years from now, settle down in a low income school back in this area. Let's see where God actually takes me. When I think of the life I cooked up for myself, what strikes me is that it's better here. Philip helps me be like Jesus more than my imaginary man ever would have. God's plans are SO MUCH better than mine. So I'm letting go.

How have your plans been changed? Have things ended up just as you expected?

1 comment:

Uneventfully Wonderful said...

wow. This concept...our plans vs. God's...and change has so been on my heart lately. I'm still processing, but I would just go ahead and say, that my life looks nothing like what I had planned! brought up some good things for me to continue to ponder. Thanks, Chels.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...