Sunday, October 14, 2012

Double You Tee Eff God?

I've been kind of speechless lately.  And not just on this blog.  When the going gets rough, I go into hermit mode and try and hideout in my apartment where no one can glimpse my patheticness, or God-forbid they might actually ask me how I'm doing!  Lately all I can seem to pray is, "WTF God?"  Philip didn't progress to the final interview round of Teach For America, and I did.  I'm in Clarkston, a town I kind of hate.  I believe that in both of these things God was sovereign.  We prayed the whole time (and had interceders pray) "Thy will be done."  Still, it's hard to grasp.  But I started to think about all the times in history documented in the bible when people were probably like, "WTF God?"  A few that came to mind:

"That gift you gave me, you know the woman, she made me eat this fruit that caused this mess.  And she won't stop talking about her feelings."

"You brought us out of Egypt to die in the desert?"

"You're telling me I'm going to have a mass amount of descendants even though my wife has already gone through 'the change'?"

"You promised us a Messiah, a King that would deliver us, and you gives us a bastard baby in the place we keep farm animals???  Isn't he the Carpenter's son?  Come on, he's from Nazareth?"

"Your son is hanging out with tax collectors and prostitutes?!"

"His bffs are a bunch of smelly fisherman?"

"You plan to feed all these people with a few crackers and sardines?"

"That Messiah you gave us.  He's dead.  Now what?"

"Jesus, you're leaving us?"

Fortunately, I know how all of these stories ended.  Those uncertain parts were hard but necessary.  They helped to tell a better story with those individuals' lives.  I don't yet know how my story is going to come through.  I only know who my God is:  he is in control and he wants the absolute best for me.The only way I can reconcile with this is clinging to the truth that His thoughts are higher than mine.  My friend Jocelyn (who probably gleaned it from Tim Keller) once told me that the intellectual distance between humans and cats is smaller than the intellectual distance between God and humans.  Believable enough.  Communication barriers aside, there's a lot that I couldn't explain to a cat even if I tried.  Perhaps God feels the same way about me.  Even when I can't understand God's plans for me I am choosing to believe that they are specially chosen to prosper me and not to harm me, to give me a future and a hope.

1 comment:

Uneventfully Wonderful said...

love your title. love the post. I'm definitely living one of those wtf moments, too.
nice to know I'm not alone in that.
praying for you...

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