Wednesday, August 10, 2011

My Husband is Grizzly Adams



Or Bear Grylls. Or Chuck Norris. We went camping this weekend, and although the trip probably disqualified him for the boyscouts by lack of preparedness, he saved the day time and time again.
There's one thing you need to know: Philip is an avid outdoorsman, and Chelsea simply is not. Don't get me wrong I love nature. I prefer beautiful scenery like it is at Ross Point Camp--a block away from KFC and a mile away from Starbucks. Philip's never paid to camp, and he pees outdoors recreationally. This was our first try at compromising a camping trip that we'd both enjoy.

Night #1
9:00 PM We arrived up North.
9:03 The woods become Creepsville in the dark.
9:15 We find a campsite.
9:16 We realize we forgot a flashlight.
9:16:30 I start bawling.
9:20 Philip begins setting up camp by the light of my van's headlights.
9:22He discovers we have only half of the correct poles along with some poles that go to an old garden arch.
9:30 Using the butt of his ax, Philip smashes the ends of the arch poles until they fit into the tent poles. The tent won't stand with the strength of the poles alone. Philip busts out some rope and ties it around the tent and to cement blocks/logs/whatever we can find around us until the tent stands...sort of.
9:45 I discover a broken zipper on the tent door, and a gaping hole near the bottom of the tent. I bawl yet again, "I can't believe you brought us this tent."
9:50 Philip chugs a caprisun and using the empty container and some bandaids from the first aid kit we mend the hole.
10:00 I close the tent door using spare ponytails.
10:15 We head to bed--early.
THROUGHOUT THE NIGHT I have several scary dreams that translate into doing strange things in my sleep. Poor Philip.

The Next Morning
Philip, "What do you want for breakfast?" We'd packed eggs, bacon, potatoes, onions, etc. and a camp stove to cook it on. Oh wait, we forgot the skillet. "We can at least have hot chocolate." Oh wait we forgot the water. "How do S'mores sound?" S'mores=the breakfast of champions.

Dinner
We didn't bring any firewood but scavenged for it instead. Next thing I know I see Phil carrying A WHOLE TREE towards our campsite. I'd like to report that he ripped it out of the ground with his bare hands, but that wouldn't be very green. Nah, he found a fallen tree and brought it back to chop up and burn to cook our hotdogs. Our futile attempts to find firewood that would actually burn we resorted to burning kindling, the one piece of spare firewood our neighbors left behind the day before, and the "Bear Warning" signs we found at other campsites (let's hope no one got eaten by a bear on our behalf). These things don't last very long in the fiery inferno so this looks like Philip frantically gathering and dumping kindling into the fire as fast as he can while I try and get the hot dogs roasted before it burns to smoking embers.

We had a few successes on this trip: seeing buffalo up close (Philip thinks it's strange that I'm more afraid of bugs than I am of buffalo), going on a hike around the lake, laughing like third graders. But it was all that didn't go as planned that made the trip really memorable. Here's to compromise! Here's to S'mores! Here's to memories!

What last minute summer outings have you been on lately?

4 comments:

Mindy said...

Wow! Now that's a memory!

Uneventfully Wonderful said...

Love it! Yay for newlyweds and compromise and awesome stories/memories. :)

Eleanor said...

Haha my last minute summer outing was actually going into town to a nice(ish) restaurant from camp. I had to borrow a skirt and decent shirt from friends as the best I could scrounge up myself was a clean t-shirt and clean jeans. It was fun too.
Your camping trip sounds awesome, and while your man might not have been so prepared he was clearly flexible and inventive which gets him more Girl Scout points :P
I love reading your blog Chelsea. It makes me laugh, cry, question things and even inspire me. Keep up the writing :D

Jamie said...

That is an awesome story. I would be freaking out if that happened to me... me and my husband would die. We are not all that handy.
awesomely-awkward.com

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