Monday, February 13, 2012

Secret Love

Deeply, by someone who died to know you.

I'm so behind on sharing updates of my life.  But in light of the "Post Secret Live" tour that my husband and our friend Katie L. and I attended (plus we bumped into friends Eleanor, Molly, and Erin T.) I feel compelled to share this.  I love reading Post Secrets because they're artistic, sometimes silly, usually relatable, and always REAL.  Rarely do people get as brutally, painfully, embarassingly honest in real life as they do via postcards sent to someone they don't even know--fittingly named Frank.  He shared that secret, in Hebrew, means come closer.  I love that.  How much closer would we be, to God, our spouses, eachother if we told our secrets?  I am plagued with an ultra-emotional personality.  So whether poured out over my blog, or in tearful conversations with friends I often can't help but share.  I left Post Secret Tour feeling especially sad about the broken human condition that I am living in and that if we're honest we're all living in.  I also felt sad that I don't have any "secrets" because I couldn't think of anything that I have never told anyone.  When we got home, my husband asked me tough questions.  And, as it turned out, I had about an hour and about three soaked napkins worth of secrets.  I don't think I was intentionally withholding them, but rather I believed that no one cared to hear them.  You see, when you're an emotional person living in a world where everyone seems like they have it all together, you can feel like a burden pretty quickly.  Who wants to hangout with the person that cries and talks about deep crap everytime you see them?  It's much more fun to just laugh and talk about clothes and exchange intellectual opinions.  But I CAN'T JUST DO THAT.  I'm not saying those things aren't valuable, or that I don't love doing them sometimes.  I am say that I can't only do that.  Being emotional means if I don't talk about brokenness I am going to explode.  Sort of like I did tonight with Phil.  When I finished my husband said, "I love you so much."  I said, "I don't know how to love like you love."  He said, "I don't know how to love like this, this is God loving you through me."  Call me crazy, but I really believe that's true. 

The bible (Isaiah 61:1-3) says this about Jesus: 
 "The Spirit of the Lord God is on me because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor.  He has sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and freedom to the prisoners; to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor, and the day of our God's vengeance; to comfort all who mourn, to provide for those who mourn in Zion' to give them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, festive oil instead of mourning, and splendid clothes instead of despair.  And they will be called righteous oaks planted by the Lord, to glorify Him."

I believe that's who He is and what He wants to do in your life.  Frank is passionate about suicide prevention, which I think is great.  He gave things that people can focus on in order to have the will to live.  Things like:  school, a job, friends, hobbies, a boyfriend/girlfriend.  From what I've experienced those things are enough to help us stay alive another day.  But only Jesus brings true healing.  Just being real friends.  Much love.    

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