Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Worth Dying For

I don't get unconditional love. I just can't grasp it. Yesterday I messed up. Surprised? You shouldn't be. It probably happens daily. But I felt like a failure. I felt worthless. This is my usual battle. Maybe it's because of my Enneagram type:


I spent time with God listening to Christian music and reading my book Sex God by Rob Bell. It's not what it sounds like. I'm honestly a little embarrassed to be seen reading that book. I can only imagine what people who aren't familiar with it are thinking. Actually, stuff like that is good for me. I need to have my reputation squandered a little. And, hey, if it WAS what you're thinking, it might come in handy soon, as I am getting married in: Countdown: 128 days. Just saying. Please don't gag. Sex God is about the countless connections between Spirituality and Sexuality. It relates our sexual nature to our innate uniquely made being. We are fallen, and therefore separate from God. We are people made for connection, but living in this world causes us to feel empty and alone. Because there is sin in it. Jesus can bridge this gap, but we will never fully understand the world we were actually created for until we get to be in heaven and in close communion with God forever. Today's chapter was called: Worth dying for. Some highlights:

Jesus reminds his disciples, "You did not choose me, but I chose you."

Love and serve the people around you placing their needs ahead of your own, out of respect and reverence for Jesus, who gave his life for us, the ultimate act of love and sacrifice. Die to yourselves, so that others can live. Like Jesus.

Ephesians 5, "Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."

Submitting is serious. Submitting is difficult. And it's the only hope a marriage has.

The woman says in Song of Songs, "I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine." So which is it? Is his body hers or is her body his? Who has the authority in this passage? The only proper answer is yes. "I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine."

So the man is to love the woman, to agape her, as God agapes the world.

For God so agaped the world...

Agape is a particular kind of love. Love is often seen as a need, something we get from others. Agape is the opposite agape gives.

Agape doesn't love somebody because they're worthy. Agape makes them worthy by the strength and power of its love. Agape doesn't love somebody because they're beautiful. Agape loves in such a way that it makes them beautiful.

Do you realize that you are worth dying for?

My answer is that I frequently don't. But I'm coming face to face with this reality. I am about to enter into a covenant of agape. Philip and I will promise to love each other NO MATTER WHAT. If one of us gets fat or bald, or becomes a vegetable we are still going to love each other. Even if Philip doesn't act like the great man that I know he truly is, I will still treat him the same. And he feels the same way about me. We were talking about expectations, because we're reading  books for our premarital counselling.  Philip expects to be the provider.  It's ok if I work, but he never wants our livelihood to be dependent upon my income.  He also said he expects to do most of the housework (I object, and plan to do half of it).  But still.  He's going into this expecting to do, pretty much everything.  I asked what he expects of me.  Phil's love language is touch so he answered, "If you could like, touch my head once a day. I'd be good."  He doesn't want me for what I can do for him, he just loves me.  If an imperfect person feels this way about me, how much more does a perfect God love me?  All of that means, I can't ignore my feeling that I have to earn love. I HAVE to deal with this issue. Because soon, a huge part of my life will be about a covenant of unconditional love; giving it, and receiving it. God is giving me a tangible picture of the fact that I am worth dying for. And I can't ignore it anymore.

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